And the winning name in the Goleta Smoke Shop Name Contest is... wait for it... Goleta Smokes! In super-neon! With an extra-flappy flag that says Smokes stuck in the ground at the Calle Real edge of the parking lot!
What's next? Goleta Drinks? Goleta Humps? Where are my wildfire victims? Where are my lung cancerous picketers? Is it asking too much for the community anti-respiratorian to show a little tact?
The mere fact that the word Smokes covers so much ground makes it seem unseemly. Even here in little Goleta, Smokes could very well mean anything from big bong blow-outs to proscribed premium puros. Are those really products that the City of Goleta wants to associate with in neon?
The smell of the surfaces of my eyeballs sizzling in the glow made me so nauseous that I couldn't come within 20 feet of the shop, so I snapped this photo for the Rivas Cultural Services file of business names that could be improved and resolved not to return until they at least change the name to Goleta Fuma, which would only bother about half as many people.
Tags: sbopinion, sblifestyle, sbhealth, goleta, goleta smokes, goleta fuma, neon, one sorry blog, business names that could be improved