Posted by Marco! on:
While last week we celebrated the defeat of Osama Bin Laden, sources allege a major assault by Al-Qaeda on our home turf. An assault not erected in direct violence, but a severe limp assault to Westerners nonetheless.
Many choose suicide rather than accept In-N-Out out of state expansion.
Every time I mistakenly leave the glorious Western United States, the first thing I do when touching down at LAX is hit THE STRIP CLUBS! Wait… scratch that… I mean In-N-Out Burger… As sure as the ocean is West of Hwy 101 and the Governator cheats on his wife with the household help, Californians have supported the fast-food chain since its birth in 1948. Whether it be a simple satisfying cheeseburger or a double-double w/Onion, In-N-Out Burger is as authentic and patriotic as Mexican food.
Well last Wednesday, May 11th, our lives changed forever when Texas swooped TWO In-N-Outs from under our noses! To make things even WORSE, Washington and Utah are jumping on board in the tragic "Burger-Raping" of 2011. I mean we’ve only got so many months until these newbie’s discover The Secret Menu. Allegers allege, "Could this be the workings of Al-Qaeda?"
Bring In-N-Out Burger back to the patrons who love it most. Like Paris Hilton whom was arrested for DUI at In-N-Out Burger in 2006 after being really hungry.
“I was just really hungry.” -Paris Hilton
Or Lakers Ron Artest whom allegedly spent $4,000 at an In-N-Out last January. The kind, caring, delicate flower (Artest) commented:
I love In-N-Out! It’s addicting! It’s the only reason I’m here in L.A.! If it wasn’t for In-N-Out Burger, I probably would’ve gone to Memphis or something!” -Ron Artest
(Note: While this quote is completely accurate, I did add the exclamation marks…)
I for one will NOT share my beloved fast-food chains with these eastern burger-bums! Keep your Dunkin Donuts and Taco Buenos east coast! But as sure as the Governator has illegitimate children, California WILL bounce back. Just remember California, there... is... ano-ther...ham-bur-gerrrrrrrr... (Hamburger Habit)
In closing, this is a really messy situation... This franchise expansion is cheesy, and it is quite rare that such a dignified establishment would act in such an animal style... Did you see what I did there?
Wait... Is this slander?? Ruh-Roh!!